Our surprising God
At times the process through which God took us seemed unbearably difficult, almost cruel. Once, after I spoke at a crisis pregnancy center fund-raiser, a pregnant woman approached my wife and me and asked if we would want her baby. Although we hadn’t talked much about adoption, we were instantly excited and pursued the process with a counselor. As it turned out, the counselor was upset with the woman because she had not consulted her, and she manipulated the woman into withdrawing the offer. Like thousands of others who are rejected in the adoption process, Sandy and I were devastated. It seemed as if God had placed a carrot in front of us, then removed it at the last second. It was simply too much for Sandy to bear, and after that incident, we no longer considered adoption to be a viable option for us. We could not deal with that kind of rejection and pain again.
For another year we remained mired in our quiet desperation. We had resigned ourselves to remaining childless. Then in July 1990, I was asked to speak to a group of four thousand black charismatic Christians in Atlanta, Georgia, which was unusual because I am neither black nor charismatic. Some how, I had arranged for Sandy to come along, which she rarely had the opportunity to do.
After I spoke a woman approached me and said, “God has given me a message for you.”
For a second I squirmed: I had just bought a new car, and I thought maybe God was going to tell me to give it back. But that wasn’t the case. She continued, “The Lord told me that you are going to receive a gift—a baby.”
I nodded politely and said, “Thank you for your concern, but I’m afraid my wife and I can’t have children. We’ve gone through years of testing, and we’re infertile.”
That same day, July 3, 1990, I met my friend and publisher Victor Oliver for lunch. Unexpectedly he inquired about our plans for children. I brought him up to date on our long struggle.
“Well,” Victor said, “here’s something to think about. My best friend’s sixteen-year-old daughter is pregnant. She and her boyfriend have decided not to abort the child, and they’re looking for a Christian couple to raise their baby. Would you be interested?”
The next day, Independence Day, Sandy and I met with the couple. We fell in love with them and marveled at their courage. They wanted their baby to have all the things that they, being young and unestablished, knew they couldn’t provide. This couple obviously loved their unborn child.
After much deliberation they decided to give us their baby. They phoned us with the news, and we began preparing the house and taking baby classes. Late Christmas Eve, we were awakened by a phone call with the news that the baby had been born. The next day, Christmas, we flew to Atlanta to meet our little girl. We spent the next couple of days with the baby’s father as they made their final evaluations. When our baby was finally handed over, the nurse didn’t give her to Sandy but placed her in my arms. What a moment! Never before or since in my life have I so powerfully understood God’s amazing grace.
This young couple lovingly gave up their child so she could have the best possible life and Sandy and I could have the best possible lives. These courageous people represent all who allow couples like us to become parents.
I, who for so long had struggled with my sin and our infertility, was handed this gift of new life. What a gracious and creative God! He had restored what I had so carelessly destroyed years ago. We knew that this kind of joy could come only from God.
The narrow path to restoration was difficult, but God’s surprising grace was always there. He wanted what was best for me, so He allowed me to face the truth about myself, bringing me to real repentance. And in His perfect timing, He surprised me with His incredible grace—and the gift of life.
Arterburn, Stephen (2002). The God of Second Chances (Kindle Locations 1592-1593). Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
